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I recently had the opportunity to sit down once again with spiritual teacher Guy Finley. His newest book is entitled Relationship Magic: Waking Up Together.
While reading the book and preparing for the interview, I was reminded that it has been over five years since Michael Toms, my partner for over 40 years, died and I couldn’t help but reminisce about my own marriage with Michael. Guy had some very sage advice about using differences to become more loving and kind with one another and I thought to myself, “Oh, I wish I had known this way back when we were living in the conscious crucible of marriage.” I also remembered some encouragement that Guy shared with me many years ago. He said that before jumping to blame or judgment, which inevitably pushes people apart, one might pause and ask the question: “What would love do?”
I actually took this caution to very good effect at a specific moment in my life. A colleague had sent a blistering email to me, the content of which I can no longer recall. I do, however, remember feeling highly upset by it. I immediately launched into a comparably fiery reply that was full of vitriol and contempt. If there had been an emotion meter strapped to me, it would have been flashing red warnings. As I was poised to hit the “send” button, I recollected the words, “What would love do?” That gave me just enough time to pause for a moment and cool down, at least a little bit.
In those few moments of hesitation, a second email arrived in my in-box from that same colleague, full of apologies for the previous email.
I felt tremendous relief at having dodged the proverbial bullet. If I had not taken a moment to check in with my higher guidance system, things would have escalated and who knows how long it would have taken to repair the relationship, if it even could be.
The next time you find yourself in such a mood, I wholeheartedly advise you to pause and ask yourself, with deep sincerity, “What would love do?” And wait for an answer. The world will be a better place if we all could practice that.
– Justine Willis Toms
