Sitting In Circle with Friends of the Heart
“Let us be companions in the quest that never ceases—the inquiry into who we are and why we are here. We remind each other of our inner truths and support each other in living our beauty. What a rare experience! To feel equally empowered to hold the circle, to question the process, to be held as vital and sacred by the others.”
~From Wisdom Circles by Charles Garfield, Cindy Spring and Sedonia Cahill
When I say I belong to several circles people wonder what I’m talking about. Most everyone has a “circle” of friends. But I’m talking about something slightly more formal than an occasional get-together for coffee, dinner, or a movie. The kind of circle I’m referring to is more intentional, with unique qualities and principles that nurture its members to grow more fully into their fullness and beauty. As a result, they become more of who they truly are, with the confidence to take that out to their families, to their work, and into their communities.
Invariably when I tell someone that I’ve been meeting in a circle with the same people for more than four decades, they ask, “How can I have that in my life?” They are infected by my enthusiasm and are eager to hear my stories of the many ways circle has supported and changed my life for the better. Often, people who are new to this energetic feel overwhelmed about how to start a circle of their own. Taking those first steps are the biggest steps. But in truth, they are really baby steps. I find it is always the best to go for what is close to you.
Three-step advice:
Step One: Set forth a clear intention.
Years ago, I learned from Rev. Mary Manin Morrissey that everything is born twice—first in the imagination, then in the world of form.
As you begin, bring clarity to your intention for starting a circle. You may not yet see the full design, but hold a steady vision of gathering in regular rhythm, growing together as friends of the heart.
Rather than saying, “Having a circle in my life would be a good idea,” or “Yes, I think I’ll start one someday,” speak with the voice of creation itself: “It is already done. I will make it so, no matter what.” Such words ignite the spark of manifestation.
This is not about striving or pushing—it is about cultivating an inner expectancy, a quiet knowing that your life will be blessed by meeting with others who are willing to live in their wholeness and authenticity.
Write your intention down. Let ink flow upon paper as a sacred act, anchoring your vision from the realm of imagination into the embodied world.
Step Two: Put out the call.
After you’ve made the inner commitment, raise your sail and catch the wind. Tune yourself to others who feel the same breeze stirring in their hearts. You don’t need many to begin—one or two kindred spirits are enough. There’s no complicated magic here; simply speak with a friend about your vision. You may feel a bit awkward at first—most new beginnings do—but know this: you are held within a timeless field of energy. Humanity has been circling since the dawn of memory.
Explore books and online resources that describe the essence of sitting in circle. If some people decline at first, don’t be discouraged. Trust that the right companions will arrive in their own time. Remember, even two people can form a circle. From experience, I can tell you that when two meet regularly, rooted in the spirit of circle, that steady presence becomes an attractor. Others will feel the call and find their way to you.
Step Three: Meet on a consistent basis.
Put your circle time in your calendar as an important event. Keep this commitment just as you would a doctor’s or dental appointment. Show up even if you are the only one. When someone wants to make an appointment with you and you look in your calendar and see that it will conflict with your circle time, say, “No, I’m sorry, I can’t make it at that time, can you select another time?” There will be times when you feel too weary to go—go anyway. Step across that threshold, even with tired feet. You will return uplifted, your spirit refreshed, your heart glad you came.
When you honor this sacred time, it will begin to honor you, returning your devotion with unexpected gifts and quiet blessings. Remember, irregular gatherings create a leaky vessel, but consistency weaves a strong and luminous container—one that holds the fire of your circle and deepens the bond with every meeting.
If no others arrive, become the circle yourself. Sit as the center and the rim, as silence and song. Light the candle, invite the Presence, and let Spirit weave around you. Call to the unseen allies who walk between worlds—those who whisper encouragement from the realms of light. Speak your heart into the still air; let your own soul answer.
When the moment ripens, close the circle with a prayer of offering. Send your devotion outward—toward the healing of all who suffer, and to the awakening of the living Earth.
Later, when you speak of the gathering, say that the circle was luminous, even in its solitude. For your faithfulness itself is the teaching: that the circle is never empty, and that presence, once invoked, is eternal.
Other Thoughts on Circle:
Remember, each circle is unique and it will develop what works best for its members.
These suggestions and are not meant to be rigid and static.
To participate in a circle, all you need is the desire, the willingness to attend the gatherings and to agree to follow circle principles. Each group determines their own guidelines. Here are some agreements that have helped circles to function more successfully for all participants:
Create sacred space. This includes physically preparing a space to accommodate the participants in a circle, usually with a centerpiece or altar.
Listen with compassion and for wisdom. This includes listening without an agenda, suspending judgment, being curious and finding the underlying meaning in others’ statements. Also, it is listening for wisdom as it comes through each participant.
Speak from your heart and experience. Speak one at a time. This includes saying what is true for you and speaking to the center of the circle, not to another individual. We offer our experience and feelings to the circle, not our advice. Also, we speak one at a time and invoke a talking piece when needed, to ensure that all are heard.
Invite silence and reflection when needed, in you and in the circle. This includes listening to our own inner guidance before speaking. Also, we request silence and reflection in the circle when we feel it is needed.
Take responsibility for your experience and your impact on the circle. This includes demonstrating self-respect and self-restraint. We self-monitor to ensure that our needs and expectations are being met. We ensure our contribution adds to the positive experience of all in the circle.
Keep the confidence of the circle. This refers to our confidentiality agreements. What is spoken in the circle, stays in the circle to help ensure a safe environment for sharing our experiences and feelings.
Make decisions, when needed, by consensus. This refers to our decision making process. Should a circle need to make a decision, it is generally desirable to come to a consensus. These guidelines can be used as a starting point for group agreements in any circle, knowing that each group will add or delete as they see fit.
This African saying reveals the magic that occurs when we’ve sat in circle and been witnessed by “Friends of the Heart” over a period of time.
Those who love you are not fooled by mistakes you have made or dark images you hold about yourself.
They remember your beauty when you feel ugly;
your wholeness when you are broken;
your innocence when you feel guilty;
and your purpose when you are confused.
